In Loving Memory of "Big Dog"

Sadly, our Kobe (aka Big Dog, Lumpy Dog, Kobius Maximus, Kobiashisan, Yosh and many other terms of endearment) was put to sleep this evening. We knew it was coming. It wasn't a surprise. But there is a great big hole in my heart where a big black dog used to be. I'm not sad for him. I know this. I'm sad for us - sad that I'll never hear that deep window shaking bark (after all the times I told him to shut up) and the deep guttural rumble he made when he played. He was like a small black bear - with the big fluffy hair behind his head and those long bear claws. I'll miss my "lake monster." I'll miss his big solid warm body and his goofy face, the one cocked ear and his sweet gentle disposition. He was also the biggest marshmallow you'd ever meet and of all our dogs, he was the best with Connor. He would never hurt anyone - and yet everyone who came to the door would ask "He won't bite - will he?"

Kobe would have been 14 on Sept 1st. He has been having more and more mobility problems and his breathing had become labored. It was difficult for him to get off the porch to go to the bathroom, it had gotten difficult for him to get up at all. More frequently he needed help to to get up when lying on the deck or if he laid on the hardwoods. More then once he took a spill on the hardwoods and ended up spread eagle and in pain. Going for a walk around the block (though he enjoyed it) was becoming to much. If we stopped to talk to a neighbor, Kobe's hind end would slowly start to buckle and fold in on itself. The same is true if he got a long drink or took to long eating his food. He could still climb stairs, but if he stopped for any reason he would start to collapse and slide back down. To top it off his hearing was getting pretty bad. He didn't hear the doorbell anymore, just Hattie and Sam barking at it.

Tom and I worked around and with him for over a year. We tried different cocktails of medication to manage his symptoms. We laid area rugs for traction and padding. We raised his food bowl off the floor. But the weakness continued to get worse. Either it hurt to much to squat or it hurt to much to go off the deck, but he started to have more and more poop accidents. I saw all of this everyday. More then Tom. Tom told me a few weeks ago that he thought it was time. But I would look at Kobe and see that goofy face and think one more try, let's try one more thing. This past week he seemed to get worse quickly and he started panting frequently for no reason. Wednesday night I called the vet and Tom and I talked with her and decided this evening would be a good time. I've spent the last several days chalking up "lasts" and saying goodbye. On our last evening constitutional last night, Connor wanted to hold the leash. I wish I could have gotten a picture of my little 11month old blond baby walking my old big black dog along the sidewalk. A memory.

Kobe had a whole ham steak last night and 3/4 of one this morning with two eggs and his last dose of medicine. Tom picked up some beef knuckles and chicken livers. After we took a last family portrait this afternoon Kobe spent about 45 minutes outside in the shade of a tree chewing a meaty beef bone. Then we took one last walk, all six of us, around the block. He was sagging when we got home. Around 3:30 he ate all 2lbs of chicken livers and had his second bowl of milk today (his belly was a little upset.) The vet was due at 4pm but was running a bit late. So I sat with him and pet him and told him again how much we loved him . I let him out front to go to the bathroom and he walked into the garage strait to the back of my car (broke my breaking heart.) When the vet arrived (he still managed one short deep bark when she walked in) I let him out once more and then had him lay on a blanket in his usual spot on the floor at the end of the couch. Even then I wasn't ready. I kept asking Tom if it was the right time. But he had said it the other night, "Jenn, when it hurts to bad to go to the bathroom, it's time" and he was right. I sat next to Kobe as the sedative took effect. Even then the vet said there was something wrong with his breathing (it was loud and labored) because usually they just relaxed at this point. Another indicator we were doing the right thing. Then she gave him a shot of pink juice in his hind leg. Not long after it grew quiet. It was peaceful and though I hurt, I finally knew we did the right thing. We sat with him a bit longer, I took a clipping of his hair and slid off his collar. Then we loaded him onto a stretcher. I helped the vet carry him out (the last thing I could do for him) and placed him in the back of her truck.We pet him a few minutes more before they left, and he was really gone.

Kobe is on his way to be cremated. I know it sound frivolous, but I could think of only one last thing to do for beloved boy. Someday, we will take his ashes back to Oregon, and we will scatter him on Del Ray beach near Seaside. We have many happy memories there. He was such a beach bum. The way he used to jump after a Frisbee was beautiful (he used to shred them, too.) Our first trip to Del Ray beach was also the first time we let Kobe and Hattie off leash after adopting them. We were sitting on the dunes having a picnic and Tom threw the Frisbee for Kobe. He took off. Gone after it and jumped into dead air off the side of the Dune. The first thought through my mind was "He's gone! He just took off, we'll never catch him!" Tom and I dashed after him and he met us at the edge of the dune, the Frisbee folded like a taco in his mouth. His face was covered in white sand and there was sand pouring out both sides of the Frisbee. I think he will be happier there then anywhere. Certainly happier then on our mantel, he spent enough time stuck in the house.

Tonight was very hard. After Connor had dinner we took our evening walk, the five of us. It was painfully obvious someone was missing. It's safe to say that Kobe's absence is just as big as he was in life. The empty dog bowl, the lonely red collar on the coffee table, the extra leash and the empty dog bed in the bedroom (though it was often empty because he liked to sleep on the floor on Tom's side of the bed - I'd shag him onto his bed and then go in the bathroom and he would get up and go right back to Tom's side of the bed.) He always wanted to be close to us. When we first brought them home, Hattie and Kobe weren't allowed upstairs. So, Kobe would lay as close to the bottom stair as he could and for a while, that's where his dog bed was. When they were allowed upstairs, they couldn't come in the bedroom, so Kobe picked a spot in the hall that wasn't so much close to the door as it was close to Tom and I when we were in bed. His love was unfaltering. I felt so safe with him around. I can only hope he felt the same from us and that he was as happy as he could have ever been.

Winter Wonderland

Meet a West Ashley snow couple!

You know that storm that left 14 inches of snow in some parts of Texas this week? Well it was kind enough to drop a little on Charleston on its way out to sea. It started sleeting around 5:30pm and had turned to snow in an hour. We took Connor for a walk in the snow before his bath. Then after he went down we watched the snow and the opening ceremonies to the Olympics. Tom headed off to bed and I was cleaning up the dinner dishes when the power went off a little after 10pm. It was out until some time after 2am. When Connor and I got up this morning the whole neighborhood was a flutter with kids and adults playing in the snow. Tom tells me there were several neighborhood snowmen on his way home. You can see in the pictures that they cleared a yard making walls of snow to have a snowball fight. Evan and Mariesa from across the street stopped by to take my snow. Evan informs me that it hasn't snowed in Charleston in 10 years. He's only 7, but I'll take his word for it.

I only hope our poor daffadils make it! They have not had a good life at our house. I bought them at Costco in the Summer of '08 and they sat in the garage until March '09. When we finally planted them, along with the tulips that had suffered the same fate, the daffadils never came up - though the tulips did. We were shocked to see them popping up last week and now they have been hit with overnight snow and temperatures in the 20's. You can see them under the tree in the frist picture below.

My nights with Harry...

I got a bit of a shock today. It involved Harry. We've been meeting every evening for a few months now. I'm talking about Harry Potter. Along Hermoine and Ron and the whole gang.
Tom had started slurping them up soon after Potter fever struck 'Tweens around the world. I think it was when book three came out that Tom jumped on the band wagon. Then as each subsequent book was released I would buy it for Tom and he would crack it open and not set it down until he was finished. He'd forgo getting dressed or getting sleep. If he had to work he'd go, otherwise he was hanging with Harry and the rest of the world be damned. That's just how Tom is. It's like Tom with water at restaurants. His glass is empty before the wait staff has filled another and he wants more... more! He'll latch onto something and he can't get enough. This has caused more then a few problems between us. He's the same way with video games. His current obsession is Eve. He can't wait for me to leave town so he can sit and play unencumbered when he isn't at work. He wanted me to get into Eve so we could play together. He has never quite grasped that if he isn't living in the real world and doing all the real world things that need doing, then I have to. This means I don't have time for video games. We tried it with Age of Empires, it really did not work.
I had never read the Harry Potter books. I had gone along happily enough to all of the movies, but I was always reading something else. I've been shocked at how dark the last few movies have been. To scary for J. K Rawlings readers I thought. Tom assured me the books were just as dark. Since Connor was born, I've been slowly working my way through the books. I just finished "The Half-Blood Prince" last night. I'm not nearly as fast a reader as Tom. I started off reading to Connor as I nursed him off to bed at night. I also reread "The Time Travelers Wife" like this. Then as Connor became more aware of the books behind him and every night this became more of a tug-o-war, I changed to reading while I pumped and reading before bed. I really want to get back to reading to Connor so I have a fall back bedtime ritual when the time comes for weaning, but it's as though that little hand has a mind of its own, then he gets more wired than relaxed.
I have been trying to get through the series in time for the release of the last movie. I was positive I had seen a commercial saying it would be out at the end of this month. I hadn't seen anything since though. So I went looking today and low and behold Part I of the Deathly Hallows won't be out until November and Part II in July 2011! I already said I'm not a fast reader, but I think I could reread the series before November. Oh well! I'll definitely be done before the next movie is released!
I really wish we were still in Portland to see it though. I've really been missing the McMinnamins pubs. It would be so great to see Harry Potter at the Kennedy School, sitting in the old auditorium eating Pizza while sitting on antique furniture. Somewhat Hogwarts-esqu.
Tom and I have really been missing Dim Sum as well. There is none here in Charleston. We so hope that Connor continues to be an easy kid to feed and we want to expose him to new flavors to get him a taste for them now. He's already had a little Indian. I really don't want him to be a burgers, fries and chicken fingers kid. I actually saw an ad in one of our local parents magazines tonight for a free kids meal at McDonald's (burger, cheeseburger or nuggets with fries and a soft drink) with the purchase of an adult mean on certain nights of the week. I was shocked. I honestly hope that Connor rarely if ever eats at McDonald's. I only eat there as an absolute last resort (I'm starving and on the road and nothing else is open.) If I have my way, he won't drink soda until he's in college (preferably never.)
I borrowed a book from the library called "Hungry Monkey" and it was written by a dad who wanted to raise an adventurous eater. The author was living in Seattle but had lived in Portland and mentioned Hot Lips Pizza and referred to a few other of our Portland favorites. It made me homesick for Portland. Or maybe just Hot Lips. We are asked frequently if we will be going back there when Tom is done. We don't know. It depends what jobs are available. I honestly don't know if I miss Portland, or the IDEA of Portland. I went through this same thing when we left Boston. I still miss Boston, but I don't' know that I would want to live there again. Guess I'll have to go back and visit, both, a lot - maybe that will help me decide!

How Time Flies

WOW! I don't look like that anymore (previous post.) I'm more or less back to where I was before I had Connor. I'm still wearing Tom's jeans and still have some weight to loose.
Life is just plugging along and we're taking it day by day. To say that 2009 was a bad year would be an understatement. Connor was the only bright spot. In case I haven't said it, I'm sorry I've been so bad about getting back to people and I do want to stay in touch. I miss everyone and think about you all a bunch. I want to send a special thanks to Robyn Lui for teaching me how to chart and to Becca Thompson for my day of counseling and comradery. Thank you both for my baby! He is so beautiful and the absolute joy of my life. I love him and don't know how I ever got along without him. Though, I did have more sleep back then...just kidding!
I'm still saddened by the loss of my Grandmother in July. She passed away three weeks before 76th Birthday and getting to meet Connor. We made the planned trip to Massachusetts anyway so Connor could meet the family and we could attend her memorial service. I'm still heart broken that I never got to see her hold Connor. I know she is no longer in pain, but I've lost a bright light in my life. I just have to be content to know that she did get to see pictures of Connor. That has to be enough.
While I was in Massachusetts for Grama's service, Tom got news that the Ken Disler, his Grandmothers boyfriend who was as good as a grandfather to Tom, had had a stroke and he passed away a few days later.
It was sad to go through my book of old Christmas Correspondences and see Cards from Gram and notes from Ken. It's the little times like that that sneak up on you. It was really hard when I found an old birthday card from Gram. I will just be going along and think "Oh hey, I need to ask Gram..." and that hits hard. So many things I wanted to ask her, needed to know and they are gone. I'll miss her soft skin, her laugh, and the way she would threaten us (jokingly) with her cane. I'll never be able to smell Noxzema and not think of her.
Here are some pictures of our backyard a few weeks ago. This is our Water Feature=)

Eight Years and Still Going Strong

Well, here we are! Eight years later, and what a ride it has been. I never would have guessed when I met Tom (just 9 1/2 years ago) where my life with him would take me. I never expected to leave North Adams. Now I've moved not only to Boston, where we lived a great year together and had a beautiful wedding, but also to Portland, Oregon for 7 full and fabulous years, and now to Charleston, SC. My life has been full in ways I couldn't have imagined. I still can't believe I have been to Italy, or that I got engaged there. I can't believe that I've learned to ski (mostly) and scuba dive. I became an Orthodontic Assistant all thanks to Tom's patience and persistence.

My life has been full in ways I never would have expected or predicted. I can only hope that Tom feels as blessed to be married to me as I feel to be married to him. We have had our rough spots, and at times it has been lonelier then I ever thought it would be, but being married to Tom has made me more independent and self reliant then I would have been otherwise. Our marriage has been a fine dance, one that I hope we keep dancing for many more years. Right now I am deeply in love with my husband, I can't imagine my life without him. I have grown as a person in his presence, and someday I only hope I can be half the woman he sees me as.

March has been Busy!

Along with more doctor appointments and getting the house as squared away as we can before Peanut arrives, March is just slipping away!

Tom had an out of town conference in St. Pete Beach, FL from March 12-15. Luckily I got to go along (with some convincing from Tom.) It was really nice. Our hotel room looked out over the gulf of Mexico and we had a beautiful beach to walk on. Tom was only in conference from 8-noon and all meals were included, so we were pretty carefree! We really needed it, too. Tom has been working so much that he was pretty beat down and I really needed to have some time with him. It was nice to just spend time together.

It had the added bonus of revitalizing Tom, too. When I asked Tom about getting some yard work done yesterday, he was quite willing, which was a big help to me. I've been starting to worry about how I'll get everything done before the baby comes. We got bulbs planted and mulch put down and the yard mowed. Honestly it makes the whole place feel a little more homey and more like our own.

Other projects are starting to fall together now, too. We had the roof replaced at the end of December and the new heating/air conditioning system goes in on Thursday. Both were unexpected expenses, but I suppose it gets chalked up as the joys of home ownership. I had a guy out to do a "tune -up" on the HVAC system in December and he more or less delivered nothing but bad news which included the inside of the air handler being covered in mold. Since the system is 9 years old and we will likely be moving again in the next few years it only made sense to upgrade and clean it up. It especially makes sense with a Baby on the way and because Tom got sick back in December and it really didn't clear up until we put him on Claratin at the end of January. I would chalk it up to the mold. Hopefully the souped up filter system we're having installed will mean he can get off the Claratin.

I also had some of the gutters fixed early this month. Then once the HVAC system is replaced I can have ALL the carpets and living room furniture cleaned. We never managed to do it when we moved in, but honestly I'm just as glad now that I found out about the mold. Now we can clean everything at once. When the carpets are cleaned I can finally put the crib together and start getting ready for Peanut to come home. It really feels good to be marking stuff off the list.

Spring is definitely in the air here in Charleston. The trees are budding and the flowers are blooming. The bugs are buzzing. I've already seen a large Palmetto Bug skittering across the garage floor and with all the outdoorsy stuff I've been doing I have been eaten alive. My forearms are just bug bites on top of bug bites.

A Table for Four!

When we moved to Charleston in June we had our dining room table (for the dining room) but no table for our eat in kitchen. I have been searching and searching for a table that would work and FINALLY today I found one! It was the perfect shape, size, has the right chairs and is a pedestal and comes with a leave to make it oval if we need more room. I found it on Craig's list for a reasonable price (I thought, but Tom wanted to haggle - and he's sore that I didn't let him) and it was still available when I called on it. I told Tom the ONE and only thing I can think of that would have made it better was if it had had a drop leaf so that we could have the extra space, but not have to store the leave somewhere else.
I was so frustrated with the whole situation I was about to give up. Tom had mentioned at one point how great it would be if we had a couple of recliners in the kitchen so he could stretch out and relax while talking to me when I made dinner. I told him on the way to look at this table that if it wasn't what we wanted I was seriously temped to make a little sitting area there with our love seat, a small coffee table and an area rug and call it good. Once I saw this table, however, I knew it was the right one.
Craig's List in Charleston doesn't work as well as Craig's List in Portland. In Portland there were rules about posting and your ad was removed after 7 days to keep if fresh. Here you'll see the same ad placed day after day and people don't go in and remove their ad's once the item is gone. There were many times I got all excited about a table only to find out it had sold several days before. I can't believe I found one that was so perfect and mine for the taking.